Last Resort
by Girl Friday
Summary: what is't like to be marcus flint (this is a follow up to "Flint's Don't Cry")


**Author:** Sarah aka Girl Friday  
  
**Title**: Last Resort (this is a sequel of sorts for Flint's Don't Cry)  
  
**Rating**: R for language, violence, and reference to self mutilation  
  
**Genre:** Angst/Drama  
  
**Summary**: What it's like the be Marcus Flint.  
  
**A/N**: First off if you haven't read "Flint's Don't Cry" this isn't gunna make a whole lot of sense. Just so you know. Anyways this is another somewhat depressing Marcus story. I had set out to write a Oliver/Percy fic. Well that didn't work now did it? The song is "Last Resort" by papa roach. It worked well. I would love it if you could review this … even if you want to yell at me. I don't care just want some feedback. –thinks if there is anything else- I don't really think so. Enjoy this please … or not. Whatever! XD  
  
*************************************  
_  
I never realized  
I was spread too thin  
Till it was too late  
And I was empty within_  
  
The screaming hasn't stopped. It won't be long now. He always comes after they're done fighting. He takes his aggressions out on me, his only son. Montague … my only friend, says I have grown a tolerance for it. That's why I go numb now. I can't feel it when he hits me anymore.  
  
_Hungry feeding on chaos and living in sin  
Downward spiral, where do I begin_  
  
He says that's why I'm so angry all of the time. That's why I do the shit I do. I don't think either. I just act. I broke Oliver's nose, I don't even remember doing it, not really. He smirked … and he looked like my father then. I went ballistic. Just beat the fuck out of him.  
  
  
  
_It all started when I lost my mother  
No love for myself  
And no love for another_  
  
  
Daphne is scared of me. I can tell by the way her eyes get wide when I enter the room. The only blood I have left, my little sister. I don't think she realizes how much I need her. She is the only reason I'm still alive. I would have killed myself, and him, a long time ago if it weren't for her. She doesn't realize how much she looks like our mother. Everyday I see it more and more. They have the same eyes, dark like sapphires. Wide pools that show every emotion freely, no expressions are hidden. Their laughs are the same too. Sometimes when I lay in bed with her, after she's had another nightmare, and she laughs at some joke I've made, I see our mother. I don't remember the women well. Just small things, like the way her eyes would glow when she laughed. The way the room opened up when she walked in, like she carried the air with her. Daphne is the only person I can be myself around.  
  
  
  
_Searching to find a love upon a higher level  
Finding nothing but questions and devils_  
  
I've never had a serious relationship. Sure I've fucked before, but never had a girlfriend. I know they are scared of me. Why shouldn't they be? I'm not a very nice person. The angry boy a bit too insane. I don't show my emotions well, at least any of them besides anger. The only girls who come to me now are the ones who don't need feelings, just need to get screwed. Most of the time I am more than happy to oblige. I don't kiss them. Kissing is something you do with the person you love. I've never kissed anyone. Daphne kisses my forehead, my cheeks, and my eyelids. She does it to remind me that I am human. I can feel.  
  
  
  
_Would it be wrong  
Would it be right  
If I took my life tonight  
Chances are that I might  
Mutilation out of sight  
And I'm contemplating suicide_  
  
  
  
I only cut myself when the pain is too much to bear. When the voices that plague my brain wont be quiet. I do it because the physical pain makes the stuff inside feel less real. It reminds me I'm alive. You can't tell the wounds I caused myself, and the wounds he caused me apart most days. Only my marks are smaller, nondescript. Thin slices on my forearms or legs. His are large angry bruises, welts the size of tennis balls. The worst are the cut on my back, when he uses his belt. I feel those, they break though my numbing thoughts. I hate him then more than I've ever hated.  
  
  
  
_Cause I'm losing my sight  
Losing my mind,  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
_  
  
  
The school is making me see a therapist. Like I would ever tell that women what my father does to me. That would be a travesty now wouldn't it? He would probably just beat me worse. Besides he's my father. I can't turn him in. he's my family. His father beat him the way he beats me. That's what gets me. Does he think it will make me strong? Does he realize that it's fucking killing me inside? For whatever reason he takes this out on me. Like it's his duty. I'm bigger than he is. At six feet and four inches I tower over him. I have more muscle too. I could fight back; I'd probably win too. I'll never fight back. He's my fucking father. I can't hit my father. I can't, even when he seems to have no problems hitting me. That would make my mother upset anyways. At least the women who likes to call herself my mother. She's not my fucking mother. I don't know who my mother is.  
  
  
  
_Nothing's alright  
Nothing is fine_  
  
I have no clue what I'm going to do with my life. This is really my last year at school. They held me back. I missed too much of last year after dad put me in the hospital. Falmouth Falcons have already talked to hooch about recruiting me. None of the other teams would even think about it. I'm too big of a risk for the average quidditch team. Well fuck them; I don't even know if I want to play quidditch. Yeah right, like I have any other option. I can play the piano well enough, but you'll never get me to admit that out loud. Dad already has plans for me to join the death eaters. To work for the dark lord once he is back in power. I don't really see how I have a choice. Besides I'm a slytherin, isn't that what our lives about? Don't we thrive on that? Evil and hatred, pain and suffering? Sounds like my mother fucking life already! No I don't really want to be a death eater. I just want to fucking die. That's what I want. I don't get the choice though.  
  
  
  
_Can't go on  
Living this way  
Nothing's alright_  
  
I can hear the door slamming open. **Shit.**  
  



End file.
